Random thoughts

I just want to say that words cannot express how thankful I am. God did not have to choose me but He did. He shed His blood to forgive my sins. He loves me unconditionally and all I want to do is show that I am thankful. It is not easy, I fight a battle everyday with trying to do right and yet I fail every time but The Lord knows me. He knows what I do before I even do it and He still forgives me. Isn't that wonderful? And to think, with the way that I treat Him is horrible! Well let me not exaggerate, it isn't horrible but I know I can do better. I will, I have the heart to do so and I will make an even better effort to do so. Thank you Lord for all that you have done!!!

Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father, you have released me from the fear of death and the grave. You have also released me from the tyranny of the devil. Because you have redeemed me by your shed blood, lead me to live every day watching the signs and waiting for your glorious return. Amen.

Journal Challenge

Well as you all know that I’ve been going through some things. Well while reading and browsing the Internet I ran across Heather Lindsey's blog. She started the pinky promise movement that has become a big hit with women all over the world. The pinky promise is a promise to honor God with your body and your life. To refuse to give your body to anyone that hasn't paid the price for you called marriage. It's a promise to stay pure before God in EVERY single way. It's a promise that says, I won't test the boundaries in my relationship to see how far I can push it sexually--but instead--I want God to have my heart. It's a promise to God that you will honor your marriage covenant. It's saying that I promise not to step outside of my marriage, cheat on my spouse and that I'll work through every issue.

Well I became really interested in the movement because I wanted and yearned for my relationship with God to strengthen and to grow. Its been lacking and I’ve been feeling the effects of it. So I signed up for the group and I’ve been participating in the discussions and found that there are a few movements nearby (Grand Rapids, Ann Arbor, etc…) So over all it have been very beneficial for me.

Okay back to my original thought. While researching all this information I found an interesting blog… “Journal Challenge.” Well it caught my attention so I read the blog and thought about it. Get that vie been going through a lot emotionally and I needed my relationship with God. Well to let all of you know what the “Journal Challenge” is: a way to communicate with God daily. It allows you to think, feel and write our "day" that we're on. This aint for show'-- it's us, spending time with God daily & letting Him change us from the inside out. Writing the day on your journal is ONLY for accountability. Seems fun right? Well I thought so, and right now I’m on day three. I think really taking the time out to focus on God is a wonderful day to start and end out day right. It’s the only way and to be honest I feel lost when I step away from God. Though I am not perfect or near perfect, I know what I need to do and where I’m heading! If you want to learn more about the Journal Challenge go to: http://heatherllindsey.blogspot.com/2012/04/join-journal-challenge.html

Ohh and by the way for my lovely Sorors of Z Phi B there is a group for us àààà http://www.pinkypromisemovement.com/group/pinky-promise-zeta-phi-beta#

Well I hope you all enjoy! Until next time

Peace! 

Lost

Today I felt like writing because there has been a lot on my mind. I think about stuff daily but because of my ADHD I tend to lose focus often. It gets really irritating at times when I forget things or lose focus quickly. Times like this are why I don't get things done often, but because of my calendar and phone I set reminders daily. Cool right? Yeah I know we depend on our phones so much!! Anyways back to why I wanted to write today. Lately I’ve been feeling lost. I haven't really talked to anyone about it because there aren't many people that I can talk to. I feel like I’m always being judged especially by my so-called friends, or the people who are around. I know there are people out there that I’ve encountered who are here to help; I just don't take that initiative because I feel intimidating. But I really think I’m going to take them up on that offer because I know that they have been in my shoes at one point in life. 

Dealing with family, school, and my so-called social life it gets frustrating and at times too much. There is so much on my plate that at times I don't know what to do with it all. Trying to stay focused with school and graduation, yet help others, and STILL try to be accepted by society. I know I know I know, we shouldn't be worried about what society think but you still have that need to want to be accepted by your peers. It's natural to want to conform to society and not look like an outsider. We all do it at one point in our lives. 

When you're going through a lot you tend to feel lonely and lost. There seems to be so much coming at you from different directions and yet no one to turn too. That's how I feel. People claim that they are here for you and have your best interest at heart but at the first chance they'll talk about you just like they talk about everyone else or they'll change and act like you've done something wrong. Having that feeling is not good, especially when you lack the faith that God has given you. Growing up I never really got that attention and love that I’ve always wanted. People constantly loved and left me. From family to friends it was a never-ending circle. I'd get my hopes up constantly and eventually stopped caring. Having that fear of people not really caring about me or even loving me, kept me to myself often. It also started hindering a lot of relationships because I was so naive and distant. Up until this day whenever I go through a lot I tend to distant myself from people and though it may "hurt" others I do it to protect myself from being hurt again. But anyways.... 

I've come to the conclusion that since I’ve been lacking in faith my relationship with God hasn't been the best and I know that when you are not in line with God then yes you will feel incomplete and lost. I've been consistent in my prayer life but not have much as I should be, if that makes any sense. I haven't been spending that intimate time with Him and it's affecting my everyday life. I need to get back on track and stop focusing trying to please others. Stop trying to be accepted by everyone when those people don't even matter. I'm focusing on my relationship with God and myself. That's what truly matters in my life. People will always come and go in your life but God will always be there and will never change. He's the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow! 

Lastly, I’ve learned to appreciate those who are genuine and consistent in your life. Through the good and the bad my mother, grandmother and nana have always been there and though my grandmother cannot verbally express it I know she is proud of me as well. I do what I do for them and to realize all the love and care they give it's hard to miss. I just wish things were better and that it didn't take this long. After talking and just thinking, clearing my mind, I received clarity and I know what I have to do in order to get the peace and joy back in my life. Just like I make time for everything else I need to make time for God. It's necessary for my existence and I know without God I wouldn't have anything nor would I be here today. He is the reason for my existence and no words could ever express how thankful I am of that. I would also like to thank my future, he knows who is! :-)

Thanks for reading.... until next time! 

Peace