Emotional Wreck!!!

So I've come to conclusion that i am an emotional wreck! No BS... I've always played around with the fact that I'm crazy and/or Bi-polar not really knowing that it would be true. Yeah, people tell me I'm crazy all the time but now I'm really starting to believe that something is wrong. Thanks to my sis Erika and Phy, I've been paying more attention to the things that are going on around me causing me to be so emotional. 


During the time of observation i have come to find out that my family, causes me a great deal of stress, be it my grandma, mom or brother. My mom and her drug problem has taken the biggest toll on my life and I've been trying to find ways of pulling myself away from the situation but being the person i am, it's really hard. Since I've been little I've been taking on her problems, burdens and responsibilities. Which has taken a toll on me and mentally and physically. This is one of the ongoing battles that i continue to fight, daily. My Grandmother has been in continuing care for about 7/8 years now and it hurts my heart to see that i can't do anything to help her. I visit her as much as i can and i talk to her even though i know she's having problems with her memory. She's been a vegetable (not being able to do anything for herself since her stroke) and has been on a feeding tube up until about 3/4 months ago. Praise God that she is not getting worse but my biggest fear is losing her. She is my heart and i would be hurt if she left this earth. My brother is a struggle. Now i have to say at one point i was not the greatest role model, but i try and make up for it. He's been having a hard time in school and seeing that i don't want him to end up on the streets i stay on him. But lately it's like everything i say has been going in one ear and out the other. It gets really frustrating because i try my hardest to be there for him and show him the way but he doesn't open up to anyone. It hurts my heart because i'm his sister and i'm suppose to be the one that he could talk to but he won't open up to anyone! It's heartbreaking!!!


Now those are just the biggest problems, there are a lot more things that i am going through but it doesn't compare to them. I've seen many counselors, psychologist and doctors and one thing that they can say it that i'm stressed! Not the average everyday stress but to a critical level. Yeah i know i try and stay strong but sometimes that doesn't always cut it. So with that being said I've been seeking professional help because i feel as though it's becoming a bigger problem. I've been showing a lot of signs and symptoms of disorders and i pray that it doesn't come to that but at this point i don't know. Well this is all for now, i'll keep updates on what's to come and what's to happen!!


Tootles!!! <3

My heart is filled with pain and hurt. I've come to a breaking point, ONCE AGAIN...I don't know how much longer i can take and I've said this over and over again and yet I'm still in the same spot and it's still the same situation. Hopefully this time i can take a different road and not end back in the same spot because i know my health is at risk! I love this person dearly but i just can't do it. I ask that God softens my heart and give me the strength that i need to move past this and past this person. Hopefully i won't be going down this road again!

I am the product of a shot glass inside a crack pipe,
A mix between a father who couldn't be there if he a tried and a mother who struggled to get her life right.
I am... the result of silent screams and broken dreams that became walking nightmares.
Words that choked back breath as she begged for anyone to be there...
But her hero never came.
Somewhere in this bloodline is the offspring of a woman and she was slowly going insane...
So she wrote.
Placed a pen to the only paper she could find,
And forced time to rewind in her mind as she realigned her memories.
Thoughts and dreams she was told could never be.
Melodies of tear drops she was never meant to create
and a song that played through her pen about a child's heartbreak.
But she was 20...and old enough to understand that she couldn't bring up the past,
Wasn't allowed to shine a light on the darkness that had been cast...
She knew better.
So how dare she step to a microphone and scream words they didn't want to hear?
Giving life to the vocal chords they hoped would disappear?
Use her pen to write how roses are some shade of red,
And violets are really purple. They asked for lies but instead...
She decided to speak truth.
Because somewhere in those notebooks, the lines started to blur,
Daddy was just a sperm donor and her mother was concerned
Because her baby was asking questions and answers were never given,
Like why lives had been taken but she continued livin'...
Four potential siblings that would never know her pain,
An only child by circumstance who was given the name: Crystal.
And at one pound, two ounces she was born to carry her world,
Her alcoholic father and crackhead mother's baby girl.
She was the product of a shot glass inside a crack pipe,
Destined to take this pen and shine light so she writes...

By Kirei

Poor excuse of a male

~Now i want to say that i do not think that ALL men are no good, this is just a show of some men who are no good!~

I am SOO tired of these no good ass males, walking around like they ass don't stink. Talking all this "good at the moment" ish, acting like their not to blame for our "Mad Black Woman" Syndrome. Now I'm not saying that all men are no good, not at all, anyone can be a male but it takes someone real to be a MAN. I recently came in contact for a poor excuse of a man. Wait he's not even worthy to be called a man but a poor excuse for a male. Yeah that's about right. I'm not going to put anyone on blast so let's just say the lady is named Wilma. Wilma met this male on this dating site. She'd claim she's been talking to him for a while now, which meant that she knew enough about him to meet him. (Whatever helps her sleep at night) So after arranging a visit things seemed cool. Time goes by and they continue talking. Well they arrange for ole dude to come down and stay for a while. Things are going okay for a minute but when you have a poor excuse of a male, who doesn't have a job,and his only income was his SS check, things get kinda boring and complicated. (BTW the fool is a "Thug"with tattoo's on his face and sells weed)  I mean who would want to sit up in someones face all day everyday?!?! That's just destined to fail, unless your old! Well they recently got into an argument and she wanted him out her house. Well he didn't have any money to get back to where he came from. Now tell me, why in the world would a grown as man come to a place, within a state without having any money to get back home? Like it doesn't make any sense at ALL!!! You go to a place not even knowing the situation in detail or the women, no job, and spend all your money... THAT IS JUST STUPID!!! You don't go to a place and not have any money to go back home, common sense fool. An example of a poor excuse for a male.

My so called uncle who lives off of people. Since i was born he has stayed with his "girlfriend" who he had 2 kids by and never married. A few years ago she came to her senses (After she lost her house) and kicked him to the curb. He never kept a job or even had one for that matter, and the money that he was getting rarely help out... Now he's almost 60 and staying with his momma!! Yes, like are you eff'n serious.... you a grown male and you staying with yo mama not even helping her out. You get paid, eat up all her food, sleep all day and don't help do nothing!!! Then when she get mad you wanna loud talk her... you just want her to die hunh? SMH... yet another example of a poor excuse of a male!!

Last but not least, my grand mother has been in continuous care for almost 8 years (i believe) and her 3 children, my mom and her 2 brothers live in the same city that she's in... YET they don't go see her like they are suppose to... my uncle being her guardian. I stay dang near 45 minutes away and i see her more than they do. Bad thing is she barely remembers them because she has Alzheimer so her memory is a little bad. SMH, Just don't make no sense, you own children don't even come to see you! My uncles have jobs and make a decent income but they don't do much for her. Yet another poor excuse for a male, or males!!! Why would you want your mother to suffer, when you know she can't do anything for herself?

These are just a few events that i list as poor excuses for males... 

My Life

Some days I get so sick and tired of people. People who are ungrateful, whiners, quitters, lazy and/or down right dumb! I have no problem telling people about my life because I believe it is a testimony and maybe even a help to others. So since that it said...


My life was somewhat normal, I say this because when I look at others who are less fortunate i am grateful. My mother has been on/off drugs since I was little and I've stayed with my aunt and grandmother during my childhood days. The times when I stayed with my grandma my mom was in and out of our lives. So that left me to take care of my brother and myself. During the time with my mom I've seen things that I shouldn't have seen, I've been sexually assaulted many times and emotionally/mentally scared. As I stated before my mom was on drugs so we had people in an out of the house at all times of the say and night. There were days when I would miss school just to take care of my brother and make sure he went. It was bad but I had to do what I had to do!


During my teen years(right before high school) my brother and I stayed with my grandma. Things were pretty good for a minute(because my mom wasn't around). But when she came back, all he'll broke lose, I found out disturbing facts about my grandma and I lost it. I started rebelling against her because I was trying to get back at her for hurting me. At that time inwas not a role model to my brother, i stayed out late, lost my virginity, smoked and drinked, and was in a "gang" almost losing my life.Not knowing that it would cause her pain. But I didn't care, I was mad, no I was beyond mas cause I loved my grandma and for her to do something like that hurt me. Well between that, her stress and my mother my grandma had a stroke, and from there it went down hill, she had 2 more strokes after that and ended up having to live in a continuing care center, and me and my brother went into foster care. Still going through my phase because I was taking away from my family. I was forced to go to counseling and at that time i was diagnosed with full blown depression and places on antidepressants. I honestly don't think they helped at all but i couldn't do anything about it. Well I eventually was removed from the first home and separated from my little brother. At that point I knew I had to stop because it wasn't good for me or him. The second home I was, the family was jehovah witnesses. (yeah I know all bad). We clashed all the time and I hated it, there were days I missed school for no reason and they treated me awful! So I asked to leave and when they didn't let me leave I started rebelling again, until they brought me back to the center. At that time I started renewing my life and getting back on track. I had to do something to get my brother back. He was my motivation my reason for bettering my life. 


After a few months my uncle girlfriend started working on getting custody of me or adopting me. I thought it was cool because I knew her and they were family. Well i thought wrong! In that house there was a total of 6 people, Flo(uncle girlfriend), Bill, my cousins, Marquise, Chet, and her daughter Keaira. Me and Marquise got along very well, we were the closet in the house. Hmm at first me and Flo had an okay relationship nothing special, we didn't really clash until she i started sticking up for myself. We would get into arguments about the chores(no one would do them except me) people eating my food, and the biggest argument we had was when she told me i could see my family from my dad side. Like who are you to tell me i can't see my family, she didn't know anything about them. Well to make a long story short, we kept getting into it and one day i went off on her because she didn't want to help me with my financial aid. Like really i'm trying to get into college and your holding me back. That pissed me off to the highest level and i told her that if the information was wrong she would go to prison for giving false information to the government so she didn't give me any information at all. After that i told her 2 weeks before my 18th birthday that i was getting the hell up out of there! Which i did... and it was the happiest day of my life. Now her daughter Chet, we didn't get along because she always thought she was the ish, well let me tell you she wasn't. Staying with your mom, not really doing ish, or taking care of your responsibilities was not what's up! Her and her sister Cynt would try to gang up on me and talk about me and my family, i didn't like it at all. Well i proved them wrong and i'm far ahead of where they will ever be, with NO kids!! Lastly my so called poor excuse of a man, uncle. I did not like him, we always got into it and as i said before he is a poor excuse of a man and ain't ish. I can say that on the good side, at that time i met this lady from church named Diane and she had taken me under her wing, helping me out with school and personal things, keeping me focused and on God. She is really a spiritual mother and came when i didn't have anyone. If it wasn't for her working with my guidance counselor i wouldn't be going to college. So i'm very grateful for that!


After leaving there i stayed with my best friend and her mom until graduation day. in which we ended getting evicted and the day of rehearsal and graduation we came home to find our stuff out on the yard. I cried so hard that day because i felt like nothing in my life could go right. I just wanted to die, i didn't know what to do, i didn't know where i would stay and i didn't know how i would make money. I was just hopeless and i didn't like it. Well my spiritual mom was with us at that time and she felt bad so she let me stay with her, my best friend went to stay with her dad and it felt good. I was kind of skeptical going to stay with her but it all worked out in the end seeing that i would be going to college soon. So i agreed and was  thankful for that. I was also happy that her and my mom came to my graduation. It was 2nd happiest day (and yes i did cry like a big baby). Well that summer was cool, i got a job so i could save up money for when i left to go to college. Things were really starting to look up and i was happy. I was still trying to be there for my brother, who btw didn't know what my mom was doing. He was doing well as far as behavior, but academically he was struggling. His foster mom thought that something was wrong so she placed him into counseling, therapy, everything but he wouldn't talk. We just continued to encourage him and pray that he would get it...


College... Well my freshman year was fun, i was away from my spiritual mom meaning i could do anything that i wanted, which really wasn't new to me. I wasn't as outgoing or involved until i met my RA, who introduced me to the president of MySki (My Sister's Keeper, Inc) a christian support group for women. It felt good to be out on campus meeting new people and i believed this organization was just what i needed. From there i stated getting more involved and joining other orgs (Entertainment unlimited and the Scholar Peer Mentor Program). I was enjoying myself, being away from the drama and stress, i felt good. But i was missing my brother. I was getting back on the good side of his foster mom so she let me talk to him more and eventually take him out at times. I didn't know where my mom was so we didn't have any contact and i wanted to keep it that way even though i still worried and cared about her. My grandma was still in the hospital and she was getting worse ever minute. She was becoming a vegetable and it hurt my heart cause i knew i had a part in the reason why she was there. Well the second semester i was getting better overall, i was going to counseling and actually in my program. I also met me now best friend Shantinique. She's hilarious and i'm really happy we became roommates, i think she was someone that i truly needed in my life to help take the pain away.


Sophomore year was more challenging, i was in my program and more involved. I didn't really focus on things at home cause it was depressing. I started worrying about my mom more because i wanted to help her. Throughout this whole i could never stay to mad at her and just wanted her to get help. But she never stayed, she would get better for a minute then relapse :-( it was bad, real bad. I still kept in touch with my brother and   try to help him with his work but things weren't getting better with that either. It was developing into a serious problem. Taking on all that stress and trying to focus on school wasn't cool but somehow i made it. That Spring semester was something else, I had begun my research the semester before on Greeks because my friend was a friend of a Zeta. So after doing my research and looking at the different sororities on campus i started showing my interest in Zeta. (Note: Before college i knew nothing of sororities except for the little sisters Delta Gems and Ivylettes. So this was knew to me.) I'm happy i made my decision because i met some wonderful ladies throughout the whole process. It was hard but all in all it made me stronger. 


Junior year was great. I was Greek so had more to keep me busy and i've taken control of my life. I've met wonderful people and i finally had the support system/family that i needed...... 


To be continued!

WHY?

These are questions that really make you think of us, as a black culture....
1. Why can't we form strong families?
2. Why do we conform to the black sexual stereotypes?
3. Why are black and beautiful still contradictions?
4. Why do we keep killing each other?
5. Why do we expect so little of each other and ourselves?
6. Why do we neglect our mind, body and spirit?
7. Why do we so willingly give up control of our lives?
8. Why can't we stick together?
9. Why is the joke always on us?

My hair journey

I FEEL FREE!!! Lol, After almost 2 months i finally took my braids down and i feel so free. I love my fro and i love the wind blowing in it. I love when i play with my hair, and i love the way it looks. However since it's hot i will be braiding it back up soon. I know i know but i had to do it. My hair is so soft and i love my texture.

Father's Day

Father's day is approaching and i usually get into this depressed mood because my father died when i was two. This year i think i will celebrate instead of frown. I know that he watching over me and helping out whenever he can. There are a lot things that i wishes, could haves, and should of's that i think about but i know that won't do anything. I just pray that he continues watching over me and i hope that i am making him smile everyday! I wish that one day i will be able to reunite with him and just hug him!

I AM SO BLESSED

If you own one Bible, you are abundantly blessed. One-third of the world does not have access to even one.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive the week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people around the world.

If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death, you are more blessed than almost three billion people around the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the worlds wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive, you are very rare, even in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.

If you prayed yesterday and today, you are in the minority because you believe in God's willingness to hear and answer prayer.

If you believe in Jesus as the Son of God, you are part of a very small minority in the world.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all.

Count your blessings and it is amazing how small your troubles will seem. Share them with someone who can't hope for them and you will be further blessed to experience a part of the grace of God who gave the ultimate Gift of love so we could have eternal life with Him forever. In light of that eternity, every moment and object we have is passing away quickly. Share them all as graciously as possible and you'll be doubly blessed.

Count Your Blessings

I've never made a fortune,

and it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much,
I'm happy anyhow.

And as I go along life's way,
I'm reaping better than I sowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

Haven't got a lot of riches,
and sometimes the going's tough.
But I've got loving ones all around me,
and that makes me rich enough.

I thank God for his blessings,
and the mercies He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

I remember times when things went wrong,
My faith wore somewhat thin.
But all at once the dark clouds broke,
and the sun peeped through again.

So Lord, help me not to gripe,
about the tough rows I have hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

If God gives me strength and courage,
When the way grows steep and rough.
I'll not ask for other blessings,
I'm already blessed enough.

And may I never be too busy,
to help others bear their loads.
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

When I think of how many people
in this world have it worse than I do.
I realize just how blessed most of us really are.

Great Story

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.

She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for
her.

She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off,
she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his
closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking
at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:
'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were
mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by
their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has
nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's
crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires
children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the
same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember
that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face
and thank GOD you're alive and still around.
Thanks Frat Michael Hermes

Barbie

He says you’re special, girl don’t believe the hype,
Funny thing is they never remember your type,
Hair color may change, but Barbie’s are all the same.
Bet you grab for those hundreds when he’s making it rain!!
Nothing special about you, you’re a walking déjà vu.
I swear I just saw two looking exactly just like you,
Yes you and your whole Christian LouBou, lacefronted crew,
That hair and those boobs your parents’ chromosomes did not make,
I don’t mean to be rude, but the appropriate adjective here is fake!!
You don’t have to be Aisle 14 UPC product #389654 on sale,
Like some plastic Barbie mass manufactured by Mattel.
The blueprints of your look were designed through God’s grace,
And redrafting his architecture is a slap in the face.
That girls today grow up thinking they can’t be themselves,
That they are less attractive if they can’t wear makeup at age twelve!
Males come as they are, what you see is what you get,
If his smile washed off you wouldn’t like that one bit.
How would we like it if his biceps were retractable?
What about if his love muscle was detachable?
Try wearing YOU for a change. Unzip the fake, slip on the real.
No more misleading and pretending. It’s an amazing thing to feel.
Nothing wrong with wanting the Barbie mansion, car and Ken,
But a Real Barbie? Now that’s just a walking contradiction.

Nice to meet you

Embrace by the touch of your hand.

In your arms I felt soo secure.

You eyed my body as if it was an art.

Let's start over...

My body is your canvas, so paint what you like.

Before you stroke the brush understand and know

what you are painting.

Black love can be a very powerful subject.

Your hand across my caramel skin.

As you taste I melt away.

Your hand seem to go so deep

that it touches my soul.

The lights cloud my vision.

I'm only seeing colors

Colors of our love being spreaded across the room.

Talk to me...Let your body speak to mine.

We're not even making love

But loving the introduction as our bodies meet.

Theres no ending to this conversation as

our bodies speak.

Embrace me more...... Welcome me into your mind.

Let me influence you with love and grace.

Back to reality....

Hi my name is Marie and you are?.....

Our hands embrace.

How do I keep getting stuck in this dream??......

Ms. Unnoticed

I SENT FLOWERS THE OTHER DAY BUT I GUESS YOU NEVER GOT THEM.

I MADE YOU BREAKFAST IN BED. FRIED YOUR EGGS JUST THE WAY YOU

LIKE'EM. I EVEN GOT YOU TURKEY BACON CAUSE I KNOW HOW YOU DON'T

EAT PORK BUT I GUESS YOU WEREN'T HUNGRY. I SENT YOU SONGS THAT

REMINDED ME OF OUR LOVE. I DON'T EVEN THINK YOU LISTENED.

I RAN YOUR BATH WATER AND KEPT IT HOT. I EVEN ADD YOUR FAVORITE

SCENT TO THE WATER AND LAID OUT YOUR SILK PJ'S. I KNOW HOW YOU

LIKE THE WAY THE SILKS FEELS AGAINST YOUR SKIN.

I MADE YOU A CANDLE LIT DINNER AND DIMMED THE LIGHTS.

I EVEN PLAYED BARRY WHITE "PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH" AND SILK "MEETING

IN MY BEDROOM" IN THE BACKGROUND. I WAS READY TO SHOW YOU WHAT I

WAS ABOUT IN OUR BEDROOM AND NOT JUST TELL YOU.

I RUBBED YOUR BODY WHEN I KNEW YOU HAD A LONG HARD DAY.

I GREETED YOU WITH KISSES AND HUGS EVERYDAY BUT YOU JUST WALKED ON BY.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO COOK, CLEAN, OR EVEN BRUSH YOUR TEETH BECAUSE I WAS

THERE. I HAD YOUR BACK EVEN WHEN I KNEW YOU WERE WRONG.

I WASN'T YOUR BOTTOM "B***H.......I WAS ALL AROUND JUST FOR YOU.

BUT IT ALL WAS UNNOTICED.

TALK ABOUT A BAD INVESTMENT. AT LEAST YOU CAN MAKE YOUR MONEY BACK.

ALL MY HARD WORK AND LOVE WENT UNNOTICED BY A MAN THAT WASN'T EVEN BLIND.

YOU SEEKED ME OUT. YOU DID EVERYTHING TO GET ME BUT YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING

TO KEEP ME. THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR BEING A SUCKER FOR LOVE AND NOT A TASTER.

I'VE PACKED MY BELONGINGS AND I'M MOVING ON. I HOPE YOU GET THIS NOTE....

                                                                             

                                                                        -LOVE MS.UNNOTICED

PATIENCE

I RUSHED. ENTERTAINING MY FLESH.

SEE I DIDNT WANT TO THINK IT THROUGH.

I KNEW THINKING WOULD DEMOLISH THIS FEELING THAT I FELT.

SOO I RUSH AND TOOK CONTROL.

I WAS DETERMINED TO LIVE OUT THE FANTASY THAT

CONSTANTLY PLAYED IN MY MIND.

I WANTED TO GIVE MY DREAMS LIFE.

SOO I RUSHED.

I TURNED ON A ME THAT YOU NEVER EXPECT TO SEE.

I WATCHED AS YOUR EYES CAREFULLY EXAMINED MY BODY.

AS I REACHED FOR YOUR HANDS, I NOTICED THAT YOU WERE TREMBLING.

I WAS GOING TO SPEAK BUT DECIDED NOT TO.

I WOULD SPEAK WITH ACTION.

I COMFORTED YOU WITH MY HANDS, MY LIPS, AND MY BODY.

I WAS RUSHING

I PRESSED PLAY BUT THE PLAY BUTTON WAS JAMMED.

AT THAT MOMENT I NOTICED SELF WAS TAKING CONTROL.

I WAS RUSHING TO ENTERTAIN A SWEET TEMPORARY MOMENT.

I DIDN'T THINK TO ASK IF YOU WERE READY.

AND HONESTLY I DIDN'T CARE.

I WANTED IT TO BE ABOUT ME.

I JUST WANTED TO FEEL THE PLEASURE FROM MY DREAM.

I KNOW I WAS RUSHING BUT PATIENCE WAS INVOLVED.

PATIENCE OVERTOOK THE SITUATION.

UNDERSTAND RUSHING WILL GET YOU LOST IN LUST

BUT PATIENCE WILL LEAD YOU TO LOVE.

Over

Lord do you have me coverd this time?

My God dont allow me to weather this alone.I have thrown out the anchor.

My God secure it please.

Reach out to me God.

I'm lost and going in circled.

This swim is tiring me out.

I'm sinking Lord.

When will this be over.

My Child, My Child.

I'm listening to you,but I need you to realize that it aint over yet.

My child you say your tired, I say you dont fully know me yet.

My child you say your sinking,but you aint sanked yet.

IT AINT OVER YET.

KEEP SWIMMING I'M WITH YOU AND BEEN WITH YOU.

IT AINT OVER YET.

A little girl so young out there grown like the rest of the women

Should be in school but out in the streets doing grown folks business

Pushing in the company where one calls him self a MAN does the pimping

First period seven

Lost virginity at eleven

Afraid to confess her sins to the church and the reverend

Some dollars to make her holler

You can get her if you got it

Her childhood in womanhood like a shadow it stalks

With her Jesus, he walks

Along with subconscious thoughts in her mind the devil talks

When she was younger scared of monsters in the nights and days

Now she’s walking the alley and her new monster is AIDS

Monster of epidemic disease, it spreads

Crazy how you living but you dead

Counting the seconds and days where you sleep forever in your deathbed

Cause it's no imagination like Michael Jackson “Thriller”

Real world like African- American females number one killer

Crack, smoke the pipe

Sex, lay the pipe

Now precious one is dead

Would she be like her mother the world said?

Down her to whore and blockhead

Child born a miracle from everyday, but from an awkward situation 

I’m a sinner, yet changing to find the lord’s peace.

I starred at you while you slept
Wondered how life would be without you
After all the time we spent
The years put into this
Loving you intently
But at the end of the day
You weren’t ready for me
I waited as long as I could
Lots of hurt and unforgiving brutality
Finally fatal
I needed you to make love to me
One more time
As I headed out the door
Took a deep breath and whispered
Goodbye

Hopeless Persistence

Living in a world so flawed
Among a general population so stubborn
To much so to save itself
Growing up in a society so fraud
Right and Wrong do not exist
There is no such thing as moral responsibility
Not in the eyes of the industry
Not in the eyes of those that ignore the painful plea
Echoing in the ears of those hurt by it's progression
Our world is in a spiriling depression
No signs of improvement
Just endless signs of degradation
We cannot be patient
Or turn our heads and look the other way
There is far too much to say
But we look over our shoulders
And continue our destructive lifestyles anyway
Meanwhile across the world
Men and women work practically nonstop
To keep their families alive
While industries sell us thier sweat
In the form of a shiny new childs toy.
Meanwhile,
Animals lie in their own feces
Among dead and fragile
Genetically "engineered"
To better fit the demands of a stubborn population
Meanwhile,
Industries keep harmful foods cheap
Too easily accessible
The only hope for hopeless parents to feed their children
Good food is too expensive
The only hope,
Potentially the fatal demise
False hero
And yet..
Society as a whole
To dependant on a system they barely know
A system unloyal, Unfaithful
To it's followers
Who do we turn to
When our "conscience" ceases to be morally true.?
-unknown

Head Held High - A Sista's Stance

Dark brown and even in complexion, 
smooth and mysterious like a midnight's deception
ushering a new day in the midst of the night;
glimmering eyes and pearly whites shining so bright
even the stars' brilliance paled in comparison.
Catching attention in every direction
corners circled in awe and reverence.
Whispers and sighs 
followed her every step 
as she sashayed, comments came 
rushing in like waves generated
by the pull of the moon:
An individual similar in skin tone stoically stated,
"She's pretty for a dark skinned girl." 
"Look how pretty her hair is ...," 
another dark skinned brother began to say 
before being rudely interrupted.
"Don't care, it ain't hers anyway.
No way she got that good hair.
Must be a weave, look at her family,
don't be deceived, you won't find any Indian 
hanging anywhere in that tree!"
exclaimed a short pudgy fair skinned lady.
"She'd make a nice side piece though;
a second place trophy wife. How nice 
it would be to put her on her knees 
whenever I pleased, only if I had that in my life,"
sighed a brown skinned former playa 
in his mid to late forties.
"Best believe, but I bet she probably walks the street;
got corns on her feet from working the track day and night 
in those high ass stiletto heels ..." 
" ... and her coochie probably stinks too
look how tight she's wearing those jeans!
She'd risk constantly getting yeast infections 
to get some attention, what a damn shame,"
which were wry words wrought 
from two bitter high yellow fellows 
still smarting from a previous rejection.
Listening to the hate, she did her best 
to keep looking straight. 
She had an unusually thick skin
for insolence since both her parents taught her well 
on how to use her brains before letting looks 
dictate the direction she should take 
in the course of her trying life.
But at this moment she felt she had no choice 
other than to give in to her emotions ...
So she did an about face, 
put her left hand on her waist 
and went in by pointing at everyone 
who had something harsh or critical to say.
Looking at them sideways and twisting her neck, 
she let loose a diatribe that paused everyone 
giving them a moment to remember and reflect:
"All of humanity shares the same ancestral roots 
tracing back to the original mother, an African woman 
known in scientific circles as Mitochondrial Eve.
A black woman who singularly embodied all the world's genes.
She spawned the human race from our earliest inception, 
yet the offspring's that bare the closest resemblance 
in both form and complexion
are the ones who have received the most rejection. 
There's no greater pain that a mother can feel 
than the pain stemming from helplessly watching
the wayward direction unabashedly taken by her lost children.
When will we awaken from the slumber of ignorance 
and remember to embrace who we are without reservation?
Until that day I will keep being who I am with my head held high
as I hold onto the truth that I am the closest to the original state of perfection.”

By BlackVision 

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
4. Sing Along At The Opera.
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend
Their Party Because You have a headache.
6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

8. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
It's Called...THERAPY
Enjoy The Ride, Life is Short!!