Some days I get so sick and tired of people. People who are ungrateful, whiners, quitters, lazy and/or down right dumb! I have no problem telling people about my life because I believe it is a testimony and maybe even a help to others. So since that it said...
My life was somewhat normal, I say this because when I look at others who are less fortunate i am grateful. My mother has been on/off drugs since I was little and I've stayed with my aunt and grandmother during my childhood days. The times when I stayed with my grandma my mom was in and out of our lives. So that left me to take care of my brother and myself. During the time with my mom I've seen things that I shouldn't have seen, I've been sexually assaulted many times and emotionally/mentally scared. As I stated before my mom was on drugs so we had people in an out of the house at all times of the say and night. There were days when I would miss school just to take care of my brother and make sure he went. It was bad but I had to do what I had to do!
During my teen years(right before high school) my brother and I stayed with my grandma. Things were pretty good for a minute(because my mom wasn't around). But when she came back, all he'll broke lose, I found out disturbing facts about my grandma and I lost it. I started rebelling against her because I was trying to get back at her for hurting me. At that time inwas not a role model to my brother, i stayed out late, lost my virginity, smoked and drinked, and was in a "gang" almost losing my life.Not knowing that it would cause her pain. But I didn't care, I was mad, no I was beyond mas cause I loved my grandma and for her to do something like that hurt me. Well between that, her stress and my mother my grandma had a stroke, and from there it went down hill, she had 2 more strokes after that and ended up having to live in a continuing care center, and me and my brother went into foster care. Still going through my phase because I was taking away from my family. I was forced to go to counseling and at that time i was diagnosed with full blown depression and places on antidepressants. I honestly don't think they helped at all but i couldn't do anything about it. Well I eventually was removed from the first home and separated from my little brother. At that point I knew I had to stop because it wasn't good for me or him. The second home I was, the family was jehovah witnesses. (yeah I know all bad). We clashed all the time and I hated it, there were days I missed school for no reason and they treated me awful! So I asked to leave and when they didn't let me leave I started rebelling again, until they brought me back to the center. At that time I started renewing my life and getting back on track. I had to do something to get my brother back. He was my motivation my reason for bettering my life.
After a few months my uncle girlfriend started working on getting custody of me or adopting me. I thought it was cool because I knew her and they were family. Well i thought wrong! In that house there was a total of 6 people, Flo(uncle girlfriend), Bill, my cousins, Marquise, Chet, and her daughter Keaira. Me and Marquise got along very well, we were the closet in the house. Hmm at first me and Flo had an okay relationship nothing special, we didn't really clash until she i started sticking up for myself. We would get into arguments about the chores(no one would do them except me) people eating my food, and the biggest argument we had was when she told me i could see my family from my dad side. Like who are you to tell me i can't see my family, she didn't know anything about them. Well to make a long story short, we kept getting into it and one day i went off on her because she didn't want to help me with my financial aid. Like really i'm trying to get into college and your holding me back. That pissed me off to the highest level and i told her that if the information was wrong she would go to prison for giving false information to the government so she didn't give me any information at all. After that i told her 2 weeks before my 18th birthday that i was getting the hell up out of there! Which i did... and it was the happiest day of my life. Now her daughter Chet, we didn't get along because she always thought she was the ish, well let me tell you she wasn't. Staying with your mom, not really doing ish, or taking care of your responsibilities was not what's up! Her and her sister Cynt would try to gang up on me and talk about me and my family, i didn't like it at all. Well i proved them wrong and i'm far ahead of where they will ever be, with NO kids!! Lastly my so called poor excuse of a man, uncle. I did not like him, we always got into it and as i said before he is a poor excuse of a man and ain't ish. I can say that on the good side, at that time i met this lady from church named Diane and she had taken me under her wing, helping me out with school and personal things, keeping me focused and on God. She is really a spiritual mother and came when i didn't have anyone. If it wasn't for her working with my guidance counselor i wouldn't be going to college. So i'm very grateful for that!
After leaving there i stayed with my best friend and her mom until graduation day. in which we ended getting evicted and the day of rehearsal and graduation we came home to find our stuff out on the yard. I cried so hard that day because i felt like nothing in my life could go right. I just wanted to die, i didn't know what to do, i didn't know where i would stay and i didn't know how i would make money. I was just hopeless and i didn't like it. Well my spiritual mom was with us at that time and she felt bad so she let me stay with her, my best friend went to stay with her dad and it felt good. I was kind of skeptical going to stay with her but it all worked out in the end seeing that i would be going to college soon. So i agreed and was thankful for that. I was also happy that her and my mom came to my graduation. It was 2nd happiest day (and yes i did cry like a big baby). Well that summer was cool, i got a job so i could save up money for when i left to go to college. Things were really starting to look up and i was happy. I was still trying to be there for my brother, who btw didn't know what my mom was doing. He was doing well as far as behavior, but academically he was struggling. His foster mom thought that something was wrong so she placed him into counseling, therapy, everything but he wouldn't talk. We just continued to encourage him and pray that he would get it...
College... Well my freshman year was fun, i was away from my spiritual mom meaning i could do anything that i wanted, which really wasn't new to me. I wasn't as outgoing or involved until i met my RA, who introduced me to the president of MySki (My Sister's Keeper, Inc) a christian support group for women. It felt good to be out on campus meeting new people and i believed this organization was just what i needed. From there i stated getting more involved and joining other orgs (Entertainment unlimited and the Scholar Peer Mentor Program). I was enjoying myself, being away from the drama and stress, i felt good. But i was missing my brother. I was getting back on the good side of his foster mom so she let me talk to him more and eventually take him out at times. I didn't know where my mom was so we didn't have any contact and i wanted to keep it that way even though i still worried and cared about her. My grandma was still in the hospital and she was getting worse ever minute. She was becoming a vegetable and it hurt my heart cause i knew i had a part in the reason why she was there. Well the second semester i was getting better overall, i was going to counseling and actually in my program. I also met me now best friend Shantinique. She's hilarious and i'm really happy we became roommates, i think she was someone that i truly needed in my life to help take the pain away.
Sophomore year was more challenging, i was in my program and more involved. I didn't really focus on things at home cause it was depressing. I started worrying about my mom more because i wanted to help her. Throughout this whole i could never stay to mad at her and just wanted her to get help. But she never stayed, she would get better for a minute then relapse :-( it was bad, real bad. I still kept in touch with my brother and try to help him with his work but things weren't getting better with that either. It was developing into a serious problem. Taking on all that stress and trying to focus on school wasn't cool but somehow i made it. That Spring semester was something else, I had begun my research the semester before on Greeks because my friend was a friend of a Zeta. So after doing my research and looking at the different sororities on campus i started showing my interest in Zeta. (Note: Before college i knew nothing of sororities except for the little sisters Delta Gems and Ivylettes. So this was knew to me.) I'm happy i made my decision because i met some wonderful ladies throughout the whole process. It was hard but all in all it made me stronger.
Junior year was great. I was Greek so had more to keep me busy and i've taken control of my life. I've met wonderful people and i finally had the support system/family that i needed......
To be continued!
No comments:
Post a Comment